Monday, August 15, 2011

You know you are in South Africa when...

You know you are in South Africa when:

- Countries like Cuba and Venezuela are admired as roll models.

- Jobs are left vacant rather than appointing qualified applicants from the "wrong" ethnic groups.

- Prominent politicians believe that nationalising private property will create wealth and prosperity.

- Senior officials and cabinet ministers who fail are redeployed or rewarded with jobs as ambassadors.

- R2.4bn is loaned to a corrupt and failed neighbouring country while millions of jobless poor live in squatter camps.

- Less than 10% of the population is constantly blamed for lack of success by the majority.

- The president listens passively while his top youth leader labels whites as thieves.

- People protest violently against corruption and maladministration in the government but still vote for it.

- The media is labelled as unpatriotic for reporting government corruption and failure.

- A university lecturer lies about his qualifications but retains his position with full support from Council.

- A Youth leader expresses his intention to create a regime change in a stable neighbouring country.

- Politicians have a say in the selection of sport teams.

- The president, husband of several wives and father of many children, also has a fiancĂ©. 

- you have the leader of a Youth League who is almost middle aged not a youth, but has the intelect of a village idiot.

-a commission is set up to study the findings of a commission set up to study the findings of a commission set-up.

-obtaining a real, absolutely not false, truly genuine, not fake at all, valid for all classes of vehicles, non-expiring drivers license is as easy as withdrawing R500 from an automated bankteller.

-the ease of obtaining a university degree is relative to the amount of cash contained in an unmarked envelope.

you are issued with a Cuban dictionary and phrase book when admitted to a South African government hospital.

-tax is levied on the waters falling from heaven on a piece of farmland ( in other countries known as rain ).

-you notice a bumper sticker stating “Have you been hugged by a mugger today ?”.

-when the “tarred” part of the words “tarred national roads between towns/cities” on any map, refer to the history of the road and not its present condition.

-special mud splash pools are provided in the suburbs to parking lot pampered 4x4’s for that rugged country look.

-you dial an existing telephone number only to be told by a “computer” voice to dial directory enquiries, which you do only to be told by the same “computer” voice that the enquiry service is presently unavailable.

-mugging overtakes soccer as the most popular national sport.

-the time elapsed in a public parking bay does not necessarily correspond to the return of the owner of the vehicle, but whether the vehicle could be ‘hotwired’ or not.


Now shall we all rise and sing the National Anthem together?

" Nkosi Sikalele e Banana RE PUB LEEK...."

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